Random Thoughts
I mentioned that I was 250 miles from home, right?
As it is at the moment, the weather here is amazing, aside from all the rain, its been almost 60 everyday that I have been here. In 6 days I will be climbing back up north to the snowy coldness that is home. I am excited, though a bit apprehensive to leave my father in the condition that he is in. We were up off and on last night several times dealing with cramps that looked and felt like they were breaking his bones. I know what that feels like from experiance. And he has this terrible, dry, dry cough that sounds like a death rattle. *sigh* Im really worried about what might happen if there isnt anyone to be here with him during the day. What if something horrible happens and no one is around to help him? But these are things that I have no control over and my family (husband the cats) are going a bit crazy without me there. I need to get back to my normal, boring, everyday life, and yet all I can think about is what if I come back too late? To here I mean. What if the next time I see my daddy its the last time? What if when I leave is the last time I get to say goodbye?
its been a hard night with little sleep, and the day before wasnt any better. Maybe tomorrow things will look better to me. Maybe the doctor can figure out what that cough is and deal with the raging infection in his leg. I hope they dont put him back into the hospital… I dont know if mom can handle all this stress anymore. I hope that he doesnt take her with him when he goes. Its alot to take in. Im 25 and was just told that my father is in end stage heart failure and maybe has a year to 18 months if he stays in “good” health.
Well, I guess God has a plan and who am I to try to change that, no matter how much I want to.