Holy cow! I just finshed my FAFSA. For those of you that dont know what that is, its the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. It means that Im really going to college. Not just talking about it. Finally making changes in my life that I need to, not just trying to survive. I’m really not sure how to handle this.
Now, dont get me wrong, I really am not chickening out of it. I just don’t really know how to process being responsible. This is probably the most smart and responsible decision I have made in alot of years. Or maybe ever. It really is hard to say. I really think that the prospect of turning 26 has really given me a kick in the pants.
I think like this. 26 is really closer to 30 than to 20. That means that I need to start getting my life in order. Period. I dont want to be 30 and not have a job, or a career and I do not want to be stuck in some sort of dead end job. Not that there is anything wrong with a dead end job. It certainly pays the bills, I should know, I have been doing it all my life. I am just at a point that I really want more out of my life than hoping that one day I will have a retirement fund or be able to take a vacation that is not the result of a death in my family. I see my friends, all my really close ones, buying houses, having babies, and generally settling into adulthood, and here I am still screwing around. Well, I’m done with that.
This is the first in alot of things that are going to happen and change in my life. I am tired of sitting around waiting for the miracle thats going to change my life. Thats never going to happen, so darn it, I need to do it. I have all these brains and always had awesome grades in school, and this is what I’ve amounted to? Seriously. Ugh, I am really disappointed in myself. I cant wait until I am really started, and I can quit thinking that everyone is just going to go “Oh, well, this is just like her, start something that she isnt going to finish”. Not this time. Im going all the way. I will stay up late to study and really do it right this time. I will try my hardest (well, I am paying for it, so why I wouldnt doesnt make any sense) and apply myself fully and not let anything stand in my way save hell or high water. And even then they’d really have to give me a good reason to miss class.
Its just time, I think thats what it comes to with me. I’m finally ready. Not just kind of ready, but really ready. Im scared out of my mind, but i’ve never been happier.
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